When I first became a wife, I would from time to time thank my husband for marrying me and saving me from Tinder and being “out there.” The state of marriage has been the most peaceful experience in my life. It has been one year and it has wholly been a good one. Some people say the first year is hard, but that has just not been our experience. If I had to name it, the worse thing about our marriage would be the Army, but that’s kind of like complaining about being short at this point. Just have to learn to adapt.
What I Love
- My husband and I laugh ALL the time! We had fun together when we were dating, but there’s something about being past the point of no return that has helped me to relax. That critical spirit is no longer at work trying to assess if he is the right one for me. If he wasn’t, he is now! We have so many inside jokes. If you have met my husband, you probably can’t imagine him telling a joke, but he can set me off for a whole evening.
- My husband LOVES to be around me! I thought I would have to give him space and boys’ time, but he NEVER seems to get tired of me.
- I loved that time of being obsessed with my husband. I was obsessed with being with him and making him happy. This was the first few months of me living with him. I’m still moderately obsessed with him, but I had to shift my focus to myself since my marriage also includes an aspect of singlehood. We have been married one year and have been apart for about 1/3 of it.
- I had no idea we would get so close! We were close before, obviously, but this is like my spirit partner now. When I am sad, he responds. When I am excited, I want him to be excited. His success is my success. I think about what he would think. I have cried more times this year than in the 2.5 years we were together because I know I’m safe now.
- I love when he’s up late watching sports and he wants me near him so I get ready for bed and go to sleep in his lap.
What I Laugh At
- Spencer is a super taster, which I feel tranfers into smells. Every now in then he’ll exclaim “did you fart???” and dramatically cover his nose with his shirt, then insist that I farted, when in fact I did not.
- I love when my husband emulates me getting sassy with my hand and neck working.
- If I jokingly do or say something irritating, he’ll say “don’t touch me for at least 90 seconds!!!” in his super melodramatic tone. If you know my husband, you probably think he’s kind of monotone, which makes this more hilarious to me.
- We were at the gym once and I was watching him on a machine, and he insisted that I stop staring at him. Then we argued about whether or not it was okay for me to stare at MY husband.
What I consider ‘Presh’
- Right after our wedding, we sat in our hotel room in bathrobes, eating pulled pork and watching TV . A commercial with a couple expecting a child came on and Spencer said, “that will be an interesting time for us.” It was so precious! But now he basically acts like he never said it, and acts like he doesn’t want children.
- When we were snorkeling in the Bahamas, Spencer held my hand as we peered under the water. He was holding my hand because he doesn’t really think I can swim and didn’t want me to float too far away, but it was romantic to me nonetheless!
What I’ve Learned
- The first battle I chose not to fight was the toilet seat. It was never a challenge when we were dating, but AS SOON as we got married (in the hotel room after the wedding) he began his defiance toward putting the toilet seat down. I reasoned with myself. If I expect him to put it down, he could expect me to put it up. I decided it was an unfair argument and dropped it. Now when women complain about their husbands not putting the seat down, I’m over here like, *smirk emoji* move on.
- I realized my husband and I will probably be married for a long time/ever so I probably don’t need to complain or correct him EVERY time he doesn’t something I don’t like. He’ll catch on at some point.
- In spite of what I just said, I also realized I can’t let everything go. Instead of being upset but trying to avoid a fight, it will serve our marriage to actually put the issue on the table so we can grow from it and stop hurting each other.
- Another big change for me was that our conflicts are no longer about being right. They are about coming up with a solution and improving the outcome in the future. If my husband does something that upsets me, yelling at him or making him grovel isn’t going to improve the situation. Yeah sometimes we get caught up in emotions and try to express ourselves then, but most of the time waiting to have a discussion about whatever the issue is when we can be calm and inoffensive will yield a better outcome or even an apology. If I don’t get the apology I was looking for, I calmly state I want an apology and let it go. Sometimes I apologize and then am surprised with a reciprocal apology (even when I was wrong). The fact is, we have to work together to resolve our problems and having to be right is not a solution.
I didn’t realize how unconditionally I would be loved as a wife, but something about gaining twenty pounds, having chronically chapped lips, and no income has really proven to me that my husband married me for some imperceptible reason, like for what’s on the inside of me or something. I looove my husband, I love being married. As a matter of fact, being married has become to me the same as being a person. It is a concrete state of being for me. Yes, there are moments where I realize what I have signed up for as a military spouse and question it, but my husband redeems the whole experience.
One of the reasons we have had a good year is because we talked in depth about expectations and roles prior to the wedding. We were very serious going into our marriage because of the multiple divorces in our families. I suggest doing some sort of pre-marital counseling. We didn’t actually get to do sessions, but we did go through this thoughtful list of questions before the wedding, and I feel we were prepared for so many scenarios that come up in marriage because of it. We also did the Prepare and Enrich program with a counselor from my small group last year that was helpful. We separately took an online assessment and then Greg met with us about the results. Unfortunately, I have heard several girls express hurt because of their disappointment about something that could easily have been hashed out before they entered the contract of marriage.
Of course the military has thrown a bunch of unpredictable, sometimes infuriating, things in the mix, but it has also magnified the good parts because they are sugared by absence. I’m looking forward to this next year and all the ways I will be made a better person through the sanctification of marriage.
What do you love about your marriage???