• life

    Leaving Fort Bragg: In My Feelings

    In less than 30 days, I will no longer be a bride on base. Despite how irritating it is to be a military family, my feelings about no longer being one are complicated. Since I’m high maintenance, I went to a counselor to discuss it rather than texting one of my friends. My husband will be released from the Army at the end of February. His five-year contract will be up in April. And we won’t be special anymore. You’re Not Hardcore Unless You Live Hardcore I think when I’m honest, that’s what I like about being a military spouse. Warranted or not, service members and their families are revered…

  • life

    Hi Ho, Hi Ho- Back to Work I Go!

    The funny thing about being given 12 weeks of maternity leave, paid, is that it means there’s a job I should return to. I actually found myself back at my desk two weeks early in order to save the last two weeks of leave for going home when my husband’s unit takes leave. When I envisioned having a child over the last 3 years I imagined I would be in a position where I was freelancing as a writer and able to stay home. When I envisioned having a child eight months ago, I thought I would just quit. I was so in denial about the fact I would have…

  • life

    Marriage: Year 3

    It occurred to me that each year I’ve written some sort of year end review about my marriage for my anniversary. Today is my third anniversary. Without looking back at my other essays on it, I know I’m not as happy and not as profuse as I was one year in. I don’t want to shy away from the realities of marriage and the Army, but I do understand how sensitive of a matter being honest actually is. I am not as happy as I was two years ago because stress exists, namely the fact my husband has been on a different continent for the last 5 months and I…

  • life

    The Boys Are Deployed

    I don’t want my husband to deploy. I want my husband to deploy. My husband is about to deploy. His battalion has been gone for a while now and he will be joining them soon. Am I sad? Not on the outside- or the inside really. In my brain, it’s a sad situation; in my mind, there is no use in crying about it. I have been trying to articulate my feelings on this for weeks because they are complex. Feelings about being away from my spouse are the simplest. Feelings of not wanting him to stay are hardest to express. When my husband leaves, it will just be me,…

  • life

    Why is He Even Here?

    Almost exactly two years ago, I talked to Spencer on the phone about the interview he had that day. I had interviewed for the same job the previous day and immediately went to brief him, because he was the one that really needed a new job. He was also interviewing for another position. “I think if this doesn’t work out, it’s a sign that I need to do something completely different.” Needless to say he didn’t get the job. Nor did I. I’ve been not getting jobs for years. In that same conversation Spencer mentioned joining the Army. I utilized my usual tactic, which was not engaging in a conversation about…