5 Weeks to Weightloss: Week 2

This week was a bust from the jump. First of all I had already known I wasn’t going to do cardio until after Wednesday because I had to see people each day and my roots were too nappy to withstand the sweating so I could look decent in the evening. On top of that, I didn’t decide on my goals before the week started and didn’t really do anything to set myself up for success. I didn’t have any plan for tracking water intake, nor did I have meal options, or groceries period, to help me actually eat breakfast and lunch. I also ate a ton of sweets as I tested some recipes I’m using for Valentine’s Day. I failed.

However, I still worked out everyday. My goal is usually 5 days a week and it’s fine with me if I only make 4. Well since I did not do cardio for the first 3 days, I went to the gym for cardio and abs Saturday and Sunday. The other days I still followed my 3-day lifting plan and made it to Crossfit 2 days. My general goals for exercise are 45-minute cardio sessions 3 times per week, 3 days of weightlifting, 2 days of Crossfit. Despite my diet fumble, I feel good about the work I put in and again, I feel like I can tell it is paying off. Most notably, my legs feel more firm,  and my deltoids (shoulders) are looking legit.

ON ANOTHER NOTE, last week I talked about how focused I was and how clean my house was the whole week. My house was a wreck this week. There was a moment when I wondered if I was bipolar because I simply could not get myself together like I had been a mere 7 days earlier. No, I don’t think bipolar disorder is as simple as that, but that is the thought that crossed my mind. I felt like I was cleaning all the time but nothing ever seem to actually become ‘clean,’ which is essentially the same sentiment with my health efforts for the week.

My goals for week 3:

  1. No sweets during the week
  2. 80 oz of water per day
  3. Core Exercises 3 days per week

My goals are not that ambitious because I still need to maintain the ones I set originally. It feels like I had that successful first week and then just moved on in life. I think that is actually a huge problem for me and likely for others. We can achieve so much, but the swings in momentum and focus is what keeps us down. I feel like as soon as I get sexy, I begin my descent back down to “unbuttons jeans at dinner” so that I have to go through the whole process again. In a sense I accept that, but it is also my goal to make the time and distance between ‘sexy’ and ‘I should really order a salad’ shorter and shorter each time I go through the cycle.

What I will do differently this week is make a meal plan for the week and mark the times I fill my water cup with a note on the fridge. Oh, I’m focusing on core because I have a lot of low back pain from my typical, sedentary, American job right now. I have increased my low back exercises this month and have noticed a significant improvement, but I need to make make sure I keep it up. In addition, I need to start working on that six-pack…


Starting Weight: 166.6 End Weight: 164.6

5 Weeks to Weightloss:



I have come to the conclusion that life is basically a cycle of gaining and losing weight, among other things. For 2017, I hope I can avoid the count up and just continue my slow, tedious process of making it back to my prenuptials weight. I gained 20 (plus) solid pounds from my wedding day to about 8 months after. Two years and two months after my wedding, I am 10ish pounds down. I feel good because I don’t despise going to the gym like I have been known to and I am currently not in a spell where I am compelled to eat sweets at three meals a day. In the spirit of self-improvement and new resolve, I have decided to detail my efforts for you over the next five weeks. Five weeks because that is the amount of time that popped in my head and sounded like a reasonable amount of time to see real results. I am also motivated by the fact I am meant to conceive this year, which means this could be my last opportunity to have a six pack…

Week 1


  1. Get up when my alarm goes off at 5 am and head to the gym.
  2. Have clothes and shoes set aside the night before.
  3. No sweets during the week.
  4. Cardio sessions of at least 45 minutes.


Last weekend I decided I lacked self-discipline, which is the cause of all my failures, except as a collegiate athlete because I did have discipline then and failed, which ruined my self-discipline. One of my issues affecting my fitness is taking 20 whole minutes to get up once my alarm goes off in the morning. This is not because I’m sleeping, it’s because I’m tired and don’t want to get up. Then I get up and struggle to get my clothes, shoes, towel, and headphones together. Next thing I know, I’m arriving at the gym at 5:50 am and soldiers start to come in for PT shortly thereafter. I need to leave by 7:15, giving me less than an hour and a half to work out, which usually means cardio or abs is cut short.

One thing about the gym I am attending on post is that there are several aged adults in there before me and after me. This helps me know that I am lazy. And what is even worse is when one of the men over 50 invites me to do abs with them and has to yell at me not to put my feet down on an exercise. I can do better, but my body is naturally at a state where a little effort goes a long way, so it is hard to get over the hump.

I decided to do cardio for 45 minutes instead of my usual ten at the beginning and ten or fifteen at the end because some guy on a treadmill told me fat loss happens after 30 minutes. Having a degree in basically Exercise Science I shouldn’t need to take advice from people who walk on treadmills for exercise, but he was right. For fat loss, the recommendation is one hour of cardio five times a week.

I felt great this week. Not only did I get to the gym by 5:30 each day feeling less stressed, I kept the house exceptionally clean.

By not allowing laziness to pervade one area of my life, I elevated my performance in the others. This concept is why it is important to me to be fit and at a satisfactory weight: my upkeep of my body is a sign of my discipline and work ethic. I really value discipline, which is a big reason I was attracted to my husband. And the sign isn’t for others but rather for me. I know I have been exercising self-control- which is a fruit of the spirit- when I can get my pants up without having to jump, and then I feel I can do anything.

I was able to decline sweets all week! I actually only had to decline once and I actually did eat one bite of the cookie… but what I’m saying is I didn’t have a taste for it. The real test comes when I want it but deny myself.

At the end of this week I feel like it is taking less effort to get to the gym and do what I am supposed to do. I am pleased with the changes I made to my morning habits and feel like I can accomplish so much.

Starting weight: 164.6 lbs     Ending weight: 166.6

I didn’t lose anything this week, but my abs look less pudgy so I’m cool with it. My goals for next week will be to:

  1. Drink 80 oz water per day.
  2. Eat breakfast and lunch.

I am terrible at drinking water as I am not thirsty, and since my life is so sedentary with the job I have, I don’t usually eat much during the day, but I want to see what happens when I do at least a protein shake for each meal.

Stay tuned!


7 Ways to Be a Good Spouse (At Bad Times)


In November Spencer and I celebrated our two-year anniversary, and the retrospective portion of that was a lot different than the year prior. They can have 2016, it was rough for us. I had sat down then and tried to write a reflective post, but it just was not coming together. It was hard to sort through everything and make it interesting and upbeat. Right now I’m in a unicorn phase where I am obsessed with my husband and what he’s doing and wearing and he can’t get in a fight with me, so I wouldn’t want to convey otherwise. I decided that better than describing what BS we went through, I would skip straight to the lessons I learned from it.

  1. Be still as things neither you nor your spouse have control over frustrate the crap out of you.

The Army is number one for putting couples in the position of complete inconvenience with no one to hold accountable. When Spencer made it home from being dropped from Ranger School for no good reason, we had problems. This was January. He was getting moved to a different Division because of it and I was stressed about coming up on a year of unemployment. It was tense in our house for the first time. Then this summer, I was working full time and he was trying to deal with lack of job satisfaction and things got tense in a different way. Six months later I’m working from home, he’s working a different detail and the most tension we seem to experience is when he steps in water I didn’t dry up after refilling the Brita. I am saying that circumstances change, and don’t expect the issues or patches you are going through for a time to be your forever.

  1. State your grievances as clearly as possible and provide detailed instructions to help your spouse stop pissing you off, while maintaining an optimistic attitude.

This past year was one of transition. I was disappointed that it was not intuitive for Spencer to decide to sweep once he saw food piled under the cabinets. Unfortunately I conveyed my exasperation when I asked for his help, which offended him because I was in effect punishing him for something he had no clue was an expectation. This situation reiterated in many different forms. My advice to anyone would be to state your complaint and solution calmly and in good faith. If your request is not received after attempts on three separate occasions, feel free to pop off.

  1. Reevaluate your priorities to determine if the expectations that are stressing you really need to be on your list.

I tried to keep my house as clean as it had been before I started working 40 hours a week. I was wearing myself out going to the gym, cooking, going to work, and then coming home to spend all my free time cleaning at a snail’s pace because I was tired. I had to let go of my expectations for a clean kitchen. I had maintained certain standards because I felt those were my duties, but my husband wasn’t helping out without being asked because those were not things he cared about. I had the choice to let it be something I cared less about. On the other end of this, if you still care about something like the house being really clean, consider hiring someone to help you and alleviate some stress in your life. Yes, I know people can’t afford stuff like that and suggesting it makes me sound high maintenance, which I am.

  1. Find someone else to talk to.

My husband is not a talkative person, but I don’t think his reticence excuses him from having a conversation with me about my day or whatever is affecting me at the moment. Regardless of what his skills were, a listening face is what I needed in those moments and as a consequence, his inability to provide that was another fault added to my list. My advice to others is to again moderate your expectations of the other person, and figure out if you really need to talk or if you really want attention. There are ways to get attention without requiring him to be an excellent active listener when he is stressed too. If you really need to talk, recruit a friend and don’t let your spouse frustrate you by not being eager. Counselors are great for an opportunity to talk through something. Unfortunately I was unable to see mine at that time because of said job.

  1. Keep doing it (SEX).

I can’t make a list about being a good spouse without speaking on sex. This isn’t anything I learned from the past year, but it is important to keep viewing the sex as an aspect of the marriage to be maintained. It is easy not to be interested in sex when there are issues, but neglecting it will only make things worse. Requiring no words, sex may be the only way you communicate that is the same language. Sex helps to relieve stress and to reconnect as one.

  1. Keep it legal.

Don’t be looking to any other person or thing to fulfill the needs that should be met by your spouse. I know I just said to talk to someone else, but that’s for when you need to work through something. Don’t turn to another bank account to make you feel secure, or another man to make you feel desired, or even worse, vices to get you through. Things like those feel like remedies but rob the oneness of your marriage. Stay focused, and keep working at being the right person and helping your spouse be the right person.

  1. Pray for yourself and your spouse/Pursue personal development.

I think back over the struggles and still have trouble finding solutions other than what I chose in the moment. The only thing I can really pinpoint is that I should have committed to praying for myself and my spouse and fasted to really petition God for help. The solutions I came up with weren’t anywhere close to that, ie: not cooking for a week. I know everyone is not a Christian, so my advice is to be invested in your own well-being to center yourself for dealing with what comes and do the same for your spouse.

Being newlyweds, this year was the first time I had encountered a ‘system error’ in my marriage. As things changed, I wondered if things had always been off and I was just now becoming disillusioned. I found myself saying to my spouse “It’s like you don’t understand that marriages can end,” when I was fighting with him to do the work it takes to maintain ‘us.’ No, divorce never crossed my mind; we weren’t anywhere near that, but since I didn’t realize we were going through a trial, I felt we might be in the early stages of demise. I now know THIS TOO SHALL PASS. And, it takes time to grow and gains skills from new challenges. Be faithful  be steadfast in the work it takes and you will come out on the other side, holding hands, still leeching Netflix from your parents on a rainy day, simpatico once again.

2017 Baby!


Moving into 2017 is like the excitement of opening Facebook and seeing that you have more than ten notifications. Unlike Facebook, I refuse to let 2017 be just another game request.

I am 28 years old. Not yet 30 or panicking about being 30, and also not still trying to figure out what the heck I’m supposed to be doing for once. I am excited about my opportunities over the next year. One year ago, I was applying for jobs at chain stores and hoping my husband didn’t end up in some worse situation after being dropped from Ranger School. I never heard back from any of the obscure places I applied to except the prestigious one I am employed with now, and my husband is fine; often on the cusp of being stressed out, but overall fine.


This year I will lose that five pounds, except after the holidays it’s ten. I will sell baked stuff with the help of my brand new Kitchenaid Mixer I received for Christmas! (Look at God!) I will blog consistently. And I will try to learn to pop and lock. I am excited about the fact that our next vacation is this year, and that will be in New Orleans, or in Gulf Shores with the in-laws. But what is most exciting about 2017 is that this is when we are supposed to try to have a baaabbyyy!

The start line is many months away, but I am cross-eyed with pleasure at even the prospect. I know having a baby isn’t as easy as staying in for one well-timed evening- I am very aware of that, but for me, sometimes anticipation is the best part. I fully expect my husband to pull out on the deal at the last minute, but I’ll just be disappointed then instead of tempering my excitement now.

I have wanted to have a baby since approximately November 22, 2014, which is the date of my wedding… So I have just been waiting for the past two years; the past 12 years really. When I was in high school, I really wanted a baby. No, I wasn’t sexually active in high school, but I was obsessed with the idea of being pregnant and having a baby. Then in 11th grade I had to take home Baby ThinkItOver. I realized having a baby wouldn’t be primarily fun and games as I repeatedly woke up in the night to feed and change the thing like a zombie. That was when I thought it over.


Despite having no sex in high school, as a black female I was proud that I graduated without becoming pregnant. I was again proud of myself for the same thing when I graduated college. I wasn’t having sex then either. Since I have become of age to actually support a child, my feelings about it have evolved; primarily from possible to impossible to actually do it in a healthy way and not be poor. I am past that and finally gave in to my desire against rationality last spring accepting that I would just have to wait for Spencer to be ready.

In September I thought I could influence him by not bringing up having a baby for one entire month. I was basically successful at it, but with no gain- he still wasn’t interested discussing a baby. He had already said when he would be ready one year prior. Then, we fast forward to December where I feel ambivalent about having a child at all. Ambivalent means fluctuating in commitment one way or another. I could have just said that in the first place, but I need to elevate our collective vocabulary.

I was ambivalent because I finally felt I had something to look forward to in terms of personal goals and hobbies so I wasn’t fixated on the imminence of having a child. I had previously merely been focused on making it to an existential break-even point and a baby represented a significant, positive change. Fortunately I am not that desperate anymore.

To my surprise, our holiday travels tipped the scales. No one said it, but I think everyone in our families is lowkey dying for us to have a child. It’s like we have been at this stasis since all us children became adults. My sister-in-law is finally out of college and so begins the mundanity of adulthood for the last of us. The youngest cousin on his side is driving. There needs to be a baby to add intrigue and everyone knows that. She could get married, or my brother can get married, but regardless, we won’t be related to those persons, so we need a baby.

While I am excited about the things 2017 has in store, I plan to be patient. It’s the climb, people. I hope others can find the optimism I have unearthed in the wake of the busted trashbag of a year we just had. We have nowhere to go but up!  I should also mention that there is a possible deployment in the books for 2017. If that precludes us from fulfilling our familial duties this year, I will still live. Previously the prospect of having to wait another year and be THIRTY, nearly brought me to tears, but now I am strong enough to realize that was irrational and to appreciate the additional time to just “do me.”