I couldn’t believe my eyes when I picked up my phone in the zero four hundred hour and saw an alert from Buzzfeed stating plainly that Donald Trump would be president. It was shocking. It was innerving. Not because I was angry or disappointed, but because it was CRAZY. For the record, I had kind of hoped that we would somehow avoid anyone winning. Since I am a positive person, I quickly moved on to realize this: if a questionably-behaved businessmen with no political experience and an allegedly fake university can be elected president of the United States, I am grossly selling myself short. I know that having a black president was a huge accomplishment, but for some reason the achievement just didn’t get me there. Maybe because Barrack Obama being president did not require a complete overhaul of my imagination. At this moment, my ambition has been set alight and I feel I can do anything.
Since I was a senior in college I have been exploring the concept of success being initiated by mental achievement; in other terms the idea of swag and self-beliefs producing like results in the physical world. It comes full circle to see Trump be loud enough to convince everyone he was qualified to be president and then actually being elected. I imagine he was super high off money fumes or something and then it came to him to run for president. He said “I have access, I’m awesome” and didn’t seem to really ever consider that he might be defeated. And he wasn’t.
Me on the other hand, I get an idea- I don’t start immediately in case I decide it’s stupid and want to give up. I budget time to become disenchanted. I expect it. The most recent idea I had was to sell baked goods for the Holidays. I love baking, I need people to consume it, and a way to pay for me to do it so the idea was really a no-brainer. I can’t even tell you why I gave up on it. Not because of laziness because I bought everything and tested all the desserts. It just because I’m not Trump enough. I am afraid of failing. But if I never even processed those thoughts what would I achieve?
I am actually in this space where I am desperate to change my life. I have a job right now, which is all kinds of prayers answered, but making money is not my ultimate function. I want to create things. This blog was me trying to make something last year. I am proud of it, but I let doubts keep me from producing the content I had originally envisioned. I want to have more than ideas. I want to have products to be proud of. I have been treating myself very unfairly by not even giving myself a chance.
Since Donald Trump has been President-Elect, I have for the moment triumphed over doubt and stagnancy. Because if a guy who we didn’t think had a chance for weeks ago- nay- four nights ago is president, I can surely accomplish whatever tiny ripple thing I have been too chicken to do. The only thing keeping me from achievement is lack of pursuit. Based on what I have learned this week, skills don’t actually matter, but great ideas, ability, and confidence do. Since Wednesday, I have cleaned my house including floors and toilets, put on make up before work (work inside my house), baked cookies, started a YouTube Channel and recorded two videos, avoided the news and written this blog! I am keenly aware that the fact I am announcing my newfound initiative means that my readers will be aware if I succeed or not… But that is more reason not to let insecurity hover behind me, creepy, taking inventory of my every word as I answer back to the universe. From here I will visibly fail or succeed, bigly, which is a risk in this moment I can only reason to take.
Self-doubt is the assassin of self-value and self-worth.- Iyanla Vanzant